Snarky Snippets – Number One Hits of 1983 and 1984

About six months ago, I started a new series called snarky snippets. The format is basically to take a song and make a short, snarky remark of said song. I started the series out by doing the top hits of 1980-1982. Today, I will continue the series by snarking the number one hits of 1983 and 1984. I take all my chart data from – so if you see an error in the rankings, then maybe go yell at them. I kid, I kid. This is, after all, an article about snark.

Before I dive into the slaughter of your favorite songs of 1983 and 1984, a few words about the formating. The song title and artist are in bold, followed by the dates the song was number one on the charts. If a song was number one in two non consecutive time frames, it gets two entries. Fairly simple, so let’s get to it…


Sally Ride was one of the Number one hits of 1983 and 1984
In 1983, Sally took a ride in the Space Shuttle.

Maneater – Hall & Oates: (1/1/83-1/14/83) Starting the year off with cannibalism I guess.

Down Under – Men at Work: (1/15/83-2/4/83) Has anyone else wondered where the vegemite sandwich came from? It’s like he pulled it out of nowhere.

Africa – Toto: (2/5/83-2/11/83) Hey Toto, I don’t think we’re in Australia anymore.

Down Under – Men at Work: (2/12/83-2/18/83) Seriously, where the hell did that vegemite sandwich come from?

Baby, Come to me – Patti Austin with James Ingram: (2/19/83-3/4/83) If you were a child in the 80s and heard this while falling asleep, your younger sibling was being conceived.

Billie Jean – Michael Jackson: (3/5/83-4/22/83) Did MJ ever do a paternity test? Because I think he might be lying about not being the kid’s father.

Come On Eileen – Dexys Midnight Runners: (4/22/83-4/29/83) MJ claims that’s all he did to Billie Jean.

Beat it – Michael Jackson: (4/30/83-5/20/83) See MJ, that’s what you should have done when you met Billie Jean.

Let’s Dance – David Bowie: (5/21/83-5/27/83) Aren’t you glad I didn’t make another Michael Jackson sex joke?

Flashdance…What A Feeling – Irene Cara: (5/28/83-7/8/83) The jingle, Oh what a feeling, Toyota, premiered just two months after this song hit the number one spot. Coincidence? I think not!

Every Breath You Take: – The Police: (7/9/83-9/2/83): The police are watching you. Talk about government surveillance gone wild.

Sweet Dreams are Made of These – The Eurythmics: (9/3/83-9/9/83) Sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a brie? Travel the world and the cheddar cheese – everybody’s looking for stilton.

Maniac – Michael Sembello: (9/10/83-9/23/83) Just because she’s dancing like no one is watching, doesn’t mean she’s a maniac.

Tell Her About it – Billy Joel: (9/24/83-9/30/83) – In the early 80s, Billy Joel got on a doo wop kick. We still don’t know why.

Total Eclipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler: (10/1/83-10/29/83) This song might have influenced Stephanie Meyer to write the Twilight saga. For this, we shall never forgive Bonnie Tyler.

Islands in the Stream – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton: (10/30/83-11/11/83) I don’t want to insult Dolly Parton, but this song wangs chung.

All Night Long – Lionel Richie: (11/12/83-12/9/83) And yet another of your siblings was conceived.

Say Say Say – Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson: (12/10/83-1/20/84) What what what?


The Apple Macintosh was a Number one hits of 1983 and 1984
In 1984, Steve Jobs showed us how sweet a Macintosh Apple can taste.

Owner of a Lonely Heart – Yes: (1/21/84-2/3/84) Tis better to have loved and loss, than to never loved at all.

Karma Chameleon – Culture Club: (2/4/84-2/24/84) Boy George pissed off every fundamentalist in the English speaking world. It was fun to watch!

Jump – Van Halen: (2/25/84-3/30/84) Ball pits started appearing at about this time. Maybe this song had something to do with that!

Footloose – Kenny Loggins: (3/31/84-4/20/84) Who the hell are Jack, Milo, and Louise?

Against All Odds (Take a look at Me Now) – Phil Collins: (4/21/84-5/11/84) Yeah, this song is depressing AF.

Hello – Lionel Richie: (5/12/84-5/25/84) This song is even more depressing!

Let’s Hear it for the Boy! – Deniece Williams: (5/26/84-6/8/84) I don’t particularly like this song, but at least it isn’t depressing.

Time After Time – Cyndi Lauper: (6/9/84-6/22/84) I have nothing negative to say about this song. In fact, if you hate this song, you’re not human! This is a perfect freaking song, dang it!

The Reflex – Duran Duran: (6/23/84-7/6/84) This song brings back painful memories of the doctor hitting my knee with that little hammer. Testing my reflexes? I think not. The doctor just wanted to make me cry!

When Doves Cry – Prince: (7/7/84-8/10/84) Fun fact. Prince never learned the difference between a dove and a pigeon. Ok, I just made that up.

Ghostbusters – Ray Parker Jr.: (8/11/84- 8/31/84) Who you gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS!!!

What’s Love Got to Do With It? – Tina Turner: (9/1/84-9/21/84) Have you ever listened to the lyrics to this song? It’s more depressing than Hello and Against All Odds!

Missing You – John Waite: (9/22/84-9/28/84) When I first heard this song, I always thought the song should be “I ain’t pissed at you.” Give me a break, I was nine years old.

Let’s Go Crazy- Prince & The Revolution: (9/29/84-10/12/84) Fun fact. This song is actually the song maniac, but from the viewpoint of the dancer. Ok, I just made that up.

I Just Called to Say I Love You – Stevie Wonder: (10/13/84-11/2/84) No Christmas, no spring, no Halloween, no June, no Thanksgiving, and no other special day or time of the year but it’s ok because I love you!

Caribbean Queen (No More Love on the Run) – Billy Ocean: (11/3/84-11/16/84) This song is mid, but the name Billy Ocean is such a great stage name! No hate, no snark.

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go – Wham: (11/17/84-12/7/84) Jitterbug! Jitterbug!

Out of Touch – Hall & Oates: (12/8/84-12/21/84) Why wasn’t “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” not number one? WELL TONIGHT THANK GOD IT’S THEM INSTEAD OF YOU!

Like a Virgin – Madonna: (12/22/84-2/1/85) This song hit number one right before Christmas. I wonder if Madonna was talking about the Virgin Mary.

That’s all for the number one hits of 1983 and 1984

Did I go overboard with the Michael Jackson jokes? Yes, the answer is yes. Wow. I kind of feel ashamed of myself – or at least I should. Well, if I offended anyone, just know it was a joke and nothing more. I mean “Come on Eileen?” followed by “Beat it” what was I supposed to do?

In all seriousness, this was so much fun, I almost included 1985! That would have made this article a little too long though. Focusing on the number one hits of 1983 and 1984 was enough. 1985 will have it’s day, I promise!

That’s all I have for now. As always, rock on, and rock steady!

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